The Art & Poetry of Mary Coleman

Today I started a PPE painting and got the image picked out and traced. Now I just need to grid it and transfer the image onto the paper I’m painting on (after that is gridded as well). It’s a much simpler image than last time because I didn’t feel like taking on an entire suited figure, much less more than one (which I plan to do in my next painting where there are two men in PPE and a prone figure between them). This is more of a portrait study.

I’m trying to get the bulk of everything I want to do in the day done before 1pm. Morning is when I concentrate the best and in the afternoon and evening I am not very attentive. Today I managed to use the elliptical for 20 minutes, I ate a healthy breakfast (now I need to fast until dinner), I did some work towards my next PPE painting (mentioned above), I did 20 minutes of meditation, I did Instagram for 20 minutes, and I worked on this blog. All before 1pm. After I post this I plan to take down all the Christmas decorations and tree and get the house back to normal. When I finish doing that I’ll take the dog on a walk. I will not spend any money today and will cook dinner at home. That’s 5 out of 6 of my New Year’s resolutions accounted for and a few smaller, daily intentions as well. The 6th resolution, which is to learn to relax for an hour each day, will be completed by reading my book before bedtime.

The end of the holidays makes me sad and all I have to look forward to for the next two months is hopefully a good snowstorm. Not ice because ice is terrible, but give me a good few inches of snow for 2 or 3 days and I’ll be happy with winter. Portland usually gets snow or ice once a year.

Monday I will pick up the job hunt and get back to applying for work. Hopefully there’s more out there in the new year because there was hardly anything in the second half of December. I’m looking for a part time position, ideally three or four days a week and not on weekends (because I like to spend time with my husband on weekends).

My biggest challenges are my ongoing anxiety, panic attacks, and ADHD (anxiety is probably is caused by the ADHD). I also have schizophrenia but that has been managed with meds really well for years now so I don’t really struggle with the symptoms of it as much as I do my other issues which are mostly unmedicated. I can take a lorazepam if I have a panic attack and sometimes I can take a PRN Ritalin, but I have to be really careful not to take Ritalin very often because it can cause me to have psychosis symptoms if I take it on a regular basis. But for every day anxiety, which is ever present, I have only my coping mechanisms. Those include meditation, exercise, self compassion mantras (which I repeat in my head), and in more normal, non-holiday season months, healthy eating (which I’m getting back to now that Christmas is over).

Today I started a book called Rewire Your Anxious Brain which hopefully has some good suggestions on how to deal with anxiety. I got a digital copy out from the library and used one of my Audible credits for an audio version of it. It’s nice to have both formats and I have an abundance of Audible credits. If I find it really helpful I’ll get a physical copy of the book.