The Art & Poetry of Mary Coleman

I wrote this poem about my father who passed away from cancer in 2017. It really felt cathartic to write it and it got out a lot of repressed anger I have towards him. Cancer has been on my mind a lot lately, not only because both my parents died of it, but because a close friend’s husband was recently diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. I’ve known this friend since I was 5 years old, she’s my oldest and dearest friend. It’s my job to be there for her right now and support her as best I can. She doesn’t really have any other friends as she is very introverted and finds it hard to meet new people. All her old friends have drifted away over the years except for me. It feels like a lot to take on, but she was there for me when my parents were dying so I owe it to her. Plus I love her to bits so I am happy I can be of some comfort.

Poetry, poetry, poetry. It used to be painting, but I can’t access my subconscious anymore through that method (and it’s been 12 years since I was able to). I expel my very negative past through writing poems that channel it. I suppose I still am a painter at the core, I just paint with words now.

I also practice meditation and self compassion as best I can. They seem more effective in combination with the poem writing than they were on their own. Extreme trauma takes a little more than kind words to oneself and sitting quietly repeating a mantra (although they do help some). I personally need a creative outlet for it and regular exercise does a lot to counteract general anxiety as well.

I finally got back into running today. While I was in South Carolina I didn’t do any exercise and I didn’t do any earlier this week after I got back either. My anxiety level has been a lot higher without the aerobic workouts. I really need a run or a gym session to help with the rest of the day. There are less panic attacks too, when I am exercising regularly. I had three in South Carolina after not having any for 6 days the previous week, so they came back with a vengeance once I stopped working out. It seems to be a combination of poetry, working out, self compassion, avoiding sugar and ultra-processed food, and meditation that best handles my anxiety and my propensity for panic attacks. Exercise and Poetry have the biggest impact though.